


We Can Learn To Love Again

by 2ndstartotheright



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: AU, Bisexual Male Characters, Cheating, Heavy Angst, Jeon Jungkook Is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Multi, Pray for Kim Taehyung, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:22:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10061576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ndstartotheright/pseuds/2ndstartotheright
Summary: How it was going to end was inevitable, destined to crash and burn time and time again but God knows they always shone the brightest when they were on their way down.





	

When he first saw Taehyung it was in technicolour. When Taehyung smiled at him for the first time it was the brightest yellow like all the sunsets in the world had melted in to one. When they held hands it was the softest blue. When they kissed for the very first time, unsure and a little shy – the sweetest cotton candy pink. The colour of Taehyung's lips. When Jeongguk came inside Taehyung for the very first time it was a brilliant white behind his eyelids.

Now when he looked in to those dark chestnut eyes and bit in to that honey coloured skin, it was in varying shades of gray. Taehyung never smiled at him anymore. They didn't hold hands, didn't share sugar sweet kisses and they didn't make love. Now they fought and fucked and fucked and fought again. Jeongguk still saw white but then again they had alway shone their brightest when they were naked and writhing in the sheets. They had always been good together like that. The only difference was that now it seemed like that was the only thing they seemed to be good at doing together, but he'll take it. He'll take whatever they have left in any form he can. Taehyung is his fix and Jeongguk is the addict past the point of no return.

_

There's a blonde underneath him tonight – wide hips and hugs tits. She moans when he bottoms out and whimpers when he sucks on a sensitive spot behind her ears. Her ragged breath slaps him across his cheek and it stings – stings on a much deeper level. She doesn't even begin to compare to his Taehyung. Jeongguk fits his mouth over hers because he can't stand to hear any more than he has to. She tastes like cheap whiskey and stale cigarettes they shared on her doorstep. She bites in to his shoulder when he snaps his hips a little harder. Staccato thrusts and he's so close to coming. Her teeth graze along his neck biting and sucking and he knows the marks she leaves behind won't fade away as fast her name will from his memory.

He knows Taehyung will see them on his neck when he goes back home. In fact he's counting on it. He wants to see the hurt and the jealousy in Taehyung's eyes – wants to know that he's still wanted and loved. He doesn't know when he became so fucked up and he's not a sadist he swears but he's so afraid that one of these days all he's going to see in Taehyung's eyes is indifference and this was his fucked up way of satisfying his insecurities – his way of exorcising the demons that taunt him. It's killing him and Taehyung one one-night stand at a time.

_

When Jeongguk eases open the front door and slips in to their apartment, Taehyung is on the couch looking down at his phone – the light blue glow softening his chiseled features. The trace of a smile lingering on his face disappears when he sees Jeongguk standing in the hallway. Taehyung doesn't even have to see the string of hickeys on his neck to know that Jeongguk had been fucking someone who wasn't him last night. He only asks if Jeongguk wants breakfast to which Jeongguk shrugs in response.

They sit across each other chewing in silence. Taehyung keeping his eyes downcast and focused on his food. _Look at me._ Jeongguk thinks. _Look at me and hate me for what I did to us. Ask me who I fucked._ He wants Taehyung to look at him and make him feel remorseful. Make him feel shame, guilt, rage – something. He's so sick of being numb.

The first time Jeongguk came home smelling like someone else Taehyung had quite literally thrown the coffee table at him – packed his bags and hadn't come home for a week. The second time it was an almost well aimed flower vase at his head and another week away from home and then it was just crying and loud arguments that slowly turned in to eyes that looked at him with unshed tears and lower lips that trembled when Taehyung thought Jeongguk wasn't looking.

Jeongguk yearns for the noise. He wants Taehyung to shout down the hurricane that's alway wailing inside his head. He hates how his name sounds when Taehyung says it these days – like it burns his lungs one syllable at a time. Taehyung used to whisper it like a prayer. _Jeongguk, I love you._ He used to moan it like Jeongguk's name was oxygen and he was drowning. _Jeongguk, I need you._

He wonders how long Taehyung will put up with his shit until he finally realizes that all Jeongguk is going to do is keep fucking things up and that one day when he crashes and burns Taehyung is going to go down with him if he doesn't run away soon enough. He has always been selfish and a coward – Jeongguk knows he's not walking away. A small part of him wishes Taehyung would, because he loves Taehyung he really does but the bigger part of his self who is mostly an asshole wants Taehyung to keep him company as Jeongguk goes down in flames.

Jeongguk  helps  Taehyung do the dishes in silence – it coils around them like a living breathing creature. Jeongguk could feel the the tension building up inside Taehyung. Their hands brush as they navigate around the small kitchen but Taehyung is always quick to move away. Jeongguk knows he's disgusting – still in last nights clothes and smelling of someone else's perfume and secondhand smoke.

"I'm going out," Taehyung announces shrugging in to his jacket, avoiding eye contact with Jeongguk, one foot already outside the door. Jeongguk pretends not to hear him. The door slams shut – the noise echoing in the large space and rattling Jeongguk's bones. He never tells Taehyung when he slips out and it would be unfair of him to expect that from Taehyung but he can't stop wondering if one of these days Taehyung will meet a stranger who will make him happier than Jeongguk has ever made him.

He steps in to the shower and scrubs his skin raw to rid himself of the smell of infidelity that clings to him like a second skin. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the cold tile. The water that rushes down his body relaxes his muscles and soothes away the aches of last night — the scratch marks on his back sting when he dries himself off and Jeongguk can't help but feel like he deserves it. It's a small price to pay for fucking yet another person over.

He falls asleep on the bed that once used to be his and Taehyung's. Now it's a just a king size with two opposite ends with a thousand miles between them.

_

He wakes up to a lapful of Taehyung murmuring in to his neck and a hand sliding up his shirt. This has become routine – Jeongguk cheats and fucks them both over and Taehyung falls apart under Jeongguk's body because he's tired of falling apart on his own.

Under Taehyung's petite and viciously gyrating hips it's only a matter of seconds until he's fully hard. Their mouths finally meet – his is pliant and Taehyung's is angry. His lips bite and suck and bruise. Taehyung can't seem to find it in himself to have mercy on Jeongguk and he's glad. _Destroy a part of me the way I destroy you every single day_ , he thinks. His long fingers tighten on one of Jeongguk's nipples and Taehyung swallows the moan he rips out of Jeongguk's throat.

They're wordless as they shuck off their clothes – communicating only with nips and sucks against collarbones. Taehyung's skin glows where the moonlight kisses him. Jeongguk feels like there's lightning coursing through his veins – he's burning from the inside out. He wants to feel all of Taehyung. Jeongguk let's his hands trace Taehyung's ribs, his hardened nipples, the soft skin of his stomach, and his honey gold thighs. When he has finally mapped out every bit of bare skin Taehyung offers, his trembling fingers curl around Taehyung's cock making him moan. It's a familiar weight in the palm of his hand – the heat radiating from it comforts him. This he can do. This he was good at. He watches how Taehyung bites down on his bottom lip when Jeongguk moves his hand. How Taehyung's breath hitches when he twists his hand on the upstroke. Jeongguk wants to see Taehyung feel again – wants to see the pleasure that flits across his face and the anger that burns in his eyes when he looks at Jeongguk.

The air is charged and their souls are raw – there's no place to hide here. They're both intricately woven tapestries that have been unraveled – silk pooling all over their bedroom. Jeongguk runs his thumb across the head smearing the beads of pre cum along the shaft – Taehyung's eyelids flutter close. Jeongguk takes his mouth in a final biting kiss, letting his lips trail down his neck – tongue darting out to lap up the desire and the sweat pooling in the hollow of his clavicle before shifting to take one rosebud pink nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue and flicking until he has Taehyung arching his back and grabbing a fistful of his hair.

He pulls off and grazes his teeth on the other nipple before he bites, sucks and kisses his way down until he's nestled between Taehyung's thighs. He leans over Taehyung's cock, breathing hot air over the head drawing out a gasp from Taehyung. He looks up to see Taehyung staring at him with wide eyes – his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Jeongguk holds Taehyung's gaze for a moment before lowering his head and dropping a kiss on the rosy head of his cock, tongue darting out to lick off a bead of pre cum, making Taehyung curse – head falling back on the pillows. His dick twitches in Jeongguk's hands.

He licks up a wet stripe starting from the root and fits his mouth over the head and sucks – swirling his tongue along the ridge and flicking the slit. He needs more of Taehyung. He hollows out his cheeks and sinks his mouth down until his nose touches the coarse curls at the base of Taehyung's cock – flattening his tongue against the vein that runs on the underside. Taehyung's thighs shake and his hips snap. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and lets Taehyung fuck in to his mouth – the head grazing the back of his throat on every other thrust. His hands find their way in to Jeongguk's hair, making him moan around Taehyung's cock.

He chances a look up at Taehyung and he's propped up on one elbow looking down at Jeongguk. He reaches down and runs his thumb along the corner of Jeongguk's lips that are stretched too tight over his cock. Jeongguk pulls off with an obscene pop to place a kiss on Taehyung's palm – it's a gesture that seems more intimate than Jeongguk having Taehyung's cock in his mouth. The gasp that falls from Taehyung's lips make Jeongguk look up just in time to see Taehyung's face tighten as if he's in physical pain. He knows he's the reason Taehyung looks like he's on the verge of breaking down.

In that moment Jeongguk hates himself a little more than usual.

"Fuck me," Taehyung breaks the silence, the intensity of the moment shatters and disappears in to thin air.

 _Fuck yes._ A ribbon of pleasure flashes across Jeongguk's groin and he grinds down on the bed once before he's reaching over to the night stand and retrieving the bottle of lube.  
Taehyung lays back down and and his chest rises and falls with every deep breath he takes.

Jeongguk doesn't know how to make things better and he doesn't know how to fix them and he probably won't be able to – everything was bright until Jeongguk ruined the happiness they had built during the two years they've been together. They were desperately trying to put back the pieces but it takes more than fucking to save a relationship – there are cracks appearing on Taehyung's skin and one of these days he's going to shatter in to a billion pieces right in front of Jeongguk's eyes and no one is going to be able to put him back together. The only way Jeongguk can say he's sorry about the mess he's made is with a twist of his fingers that has Taehyung arching his back, fucking himself on them. He pulls out the two digits, scissors them and presses them back against the tight ring of muscle – they enter easily enough. Jeongguk curls them and when they find what they're looking for, it draws out a string of curses.

Jeongguk bends down to capture Taehyung's plump bottom lip between his teeth – sucking on it, running his tongue over Taehyung's teeth before he deepens the kiss. He knows Taehyung probably tastes himself on Jeongguk's tongue but Taehyung doesn't pull back. He gasps and moans and grabs a fistful of Jeongguk's hair pulling him further in to him – hips searching for Jeongguk's fingers every time he pulls them out and groaning when Jeongguk opens him up again. Taehyung's mouth goes slack as Jeongguk's fingers find his prostate, pressing against the bundle of nerves and driving Taehyung crazy.

Propped up on his elbow, knuckle deep inside a hot, tight and needy Taehyung whose hair fans around his head in a dark halo – a bead of salty sweat running down the side of his neck – swollen cherry lips forming a perfect 'O' when he adds a third finger, Jeongguk thinks it's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

"I want to ride you," Taehyung whispers just as Jeongguk's teeth sink in, making a dark bruise blossom on the silky skin of Taehyung's throat – just left of his adams apple. He runs his tongue over the sensitive area to soothe away the sting. It makes Taehyung shudder and groan. Desperation drips from those words turning them in to a plea – Taehyung can't bear to feel so empty anymore.

Jeongguk doesn't want to hurt him but Taehyung swats Jeongguk's hand away a few seconds too soon. It's almost as if Taehyung is counting on this to hurt. He's fighting fire with fire, trying to dull the ache in his bones with an ache of a different kind.

"Fuck – okay," The right ring of muscle tries to draw him back in when he pulls his fingers out. Jeongguk lays down next to Taehyung who wastes no time in straddling him – lining himself up against Jeongguk's cock. A shiver runs down Jeongguk's spine when the head of his cock is met with a little resistance, until he's finally inside Taehyung – surrounded by a velvety heat that makes his toes curl and his fingers twitch.

Taehyung throws his head back and growls low in his throat as he sinks down on Jeongguk's cock one inch at a time. Jeongguk watches with wide eyes as Taehyung hisses at the stretch and the burn it brings – willing himself to stay stock still, biting his bottom lip so hard he tastes blood. Taehyung is tight around him and the heat makes his head spin and when Taehyung sinks the rest of the way down in one fluid motion, a myriad of colours swim beneath his closed eyelids. Fuck. He breathes out once, twice and he's permitted one final sharp intake of air before Taehyung is moving – rocking his hips and grinding down before he pulls away just to sinfully sink back down until Jeongguk is buried completely inside him. He grips Taehyung's hips hard enough to bruise so that he's anchored in this moment and is not just an observer of a scene that plays out beyond his control much like the way he goes about his every day life. This was when he felt real – inside Taehyung and his body was putty that moulding himself to fit every part of Jeongguk's.

He sees the tears that gather in Taehyung's eyes as he works his hips, increasing the pace that feels desperate like he needs Jeongguk to push out the darkness that is growing inside him. There are so many questions locked inside those pools of chocolate brown but the one Taehyung always asks is, Why? Jeongguk never answers because he doesn't know what Taehyung means. Is Taehyung asking why Jeongguk is so fucked in the head or is he asking why Jeongguk fucks strangers every other night when none of them makes him feel as good as Taehyung does. Mostly he says nothing because he has been asking himself the same questions.

They establish a steady rhythm and soon enough Jeongguk's hips meet Taehyung's half way, their thrusts sounding wet and obscene – a filthy noise disturbing the silence when Taehyung rises up on his knees and Jeongguk's dick almost slips out of him and an even filthier one as he slips back in to the wetness between Taehyung's legs.

When Taehyung reaches down to touch his cock Jeongguk swats his hand away – he likes hearing Taehyung lose control. He likes listening to Taehyung when he sounds like he's seconds away from coming. Loves seeing Taehyung's achingly hard cock red and untouched – leaking pre cum on to his stomach as Taehyung tries to draw him deeper, desperate to fill himself up with all of Jeongguk. It makes his hips move faster when he hears the broken sounds Taehyung makes. He loves swallowing the desperate moans Taehyung rains down on his lips.

Taehyung's thighs are slick with sweat and shakes with exhaustion – their pace faltering as Taehyung leans forward to grip the headboard, knuckles turning white and eyes crinkled shut. The steady beat it drums out against the wall subsides to a dull thudding. A dying heart beat. Jeongguk's hands fit easily over Taehyung's sharp hips lifting him up and flipping them over never once breaking away from Taehyung. He spreads Taehyung's legs a little wider – leaning in to capture his mouth in a biting kiss and thrusts hard and deep making him cry out once more as he hits Taehyung's prostate again and again. The fire in the pit of his stomach burns a little brighter when Taehyung's voice breaks on one particularly sharp thrust. It makes him grip Taehyung's thighs a little tighter. He works his hand in between their sweat slicked bodies and curls his hand around Taehyung's cock and strokes once, twice and Taehyung is coming, clenching around Jeongguk, column of his throat exposed and Jeongguk's name falling from his lips.

Jeongguk takes the opportunity to give Taehyung a constellation of bruises on his neck, his shoulder and his collar bone. This time when Taehyung says his name it doesn't sound like it's choking Taehyung from the inside. It almost sounds the way it's supposed to and that drives Jeongguk right over the metaphorical edge and he comes so hard his vision blurs and the rhythm of his hips falter to an uneven pattern.

Taehyung pushes him off a few seconds later once they've both come down from their high rolling out of bed and walking off to the bathroom without another word. Jeongguk waits until he hears Taehyung's soft footfalls heading towards the kitchen and follows suit to clean himself off. He smells like Taehyung and he has half a mind to go to sleep without getting rid of it but even he hasn't reached the point where the best he can do is take comfort in lying in his own jizz, sweat and the cologne Taehyung wears.


End file.
